Happy Little Rabbit
A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up. "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!"
The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit out of the little rabbit.
As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? He was merely trying to help us all!"
The lion answers, "That little fucker makes me run around the forest like an idiot for hours every time he's on ecstasy!"
Another One! It's tough to be a Vampire Bat
A vampire bat returned to his cave one night, covered in fresh blood, and settled in to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the fresh blood and began hassling him about where he got it.He told them to piss off and let him get some sleep, but they wouldn't give up, and finally he gave in.
"Ok, follow me." he said, and flew out of the cave with a hundred bats in tow.
Down through the valley they flew, across a river, and into a forest thick with trees. Finally he slowed down and they all milled excitedly around him.
"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, yes!!" all the bats screamed in a frenzy.
"Good!" said the first bat, "Because I fucking didn't"!!!!