=[C]=Companyman Admin
![=[C]=Companyman](https://2img.net/h/i6.photobucket.com/albums/y236/lsloan/dontask.jpg)
Number of posts : 3721 Age : 71 Location : Nevada, Iowa Registration date : 2007-02-02
![Idiot Lawyerisms Empty](https://2img.net/i/empty.gif) | Subject: Idiot Lawyerisms Sat Aug 22, 2009 8:51 pm | |
| Supposedly, there are actual discussions in a courtroom....
> ATTORNEY: > Are you sexually active? > > WITNESS: No, I just lie there. > > ____________________________________________ > > > > ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? >
> WITNESS: Yes. > > ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? > > WITNESS: I forget. > > ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
> > ___________________________________________ > >
> > ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? > > WITNESS: We both do. >
> ATTORNEY: Voodoo? > > WITNESS: We do. > > ATTORNEY: You do? > > WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. > > ____________________________________________ > > > > ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? > > WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? > > ____________________________________ > > > >
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the > twenty-year-old, how old is he? > > WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ. > > ___________________________________________ > > > > ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? > > WITNESS: Are you shitting me? > > _________________________________________ > > > > ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? >
> WITNESS: Yes. > > ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? > > WITNESS: Getting laid > > ____________________________________________ > > > > ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? ? > > WITNESS: Yes.
> > ATTORNEY: How many were boys? > > WITNESS: None.
> > ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? > > WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
> > ____________________________________________ > >
> > > ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage > terminated? > > WITNESS: By death. > > ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? > > WITNESS: Take a guess.
> > ____________________________________________ > >
> > > > > > > > ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? > > > WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. > > ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? > > WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with male. > > _____________________________________ > > > > ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? > > WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. > > ______________________________________ > > > > ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? > > WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight. > > _________________________________________ >
> > > ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? > > WITNESS: Oral. > > _________________________________________ > > > >
> > ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you > examined the body? > > WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. >
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? > > WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished. > > ____________________________________________ > > > > ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? > > WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question? > > ______________________________________ > > > > And the best for last: > > > > ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did > you check for a pulse? > > WITNESS: No. > > ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> > WITNESS: No. > > ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? > > WITNESS: No. > > ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was > alive when you began the autopsy?
> > WITNESS: No. > > ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? > > WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a > jar. > > ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been > alive, nevertheless? > > WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive > and practicing law. | |
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{S@NDM@N}-ACI-
![{S@NDM@N}-ACI-](https://2img.net/i/fa/i/avatars/gallery/Cinema_h/Cinema_h_48.jpg)
Number of posts : 3369 Age : 111 Location : Canada Registration date : 2009-01-02
![Idiot Lawyerisms Empty](https://2img.net/i/empty.gif) | Subject: Re: Idiot Lawyerisms Sat Aug 22, 2009 9:06 pm | |
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=[C]= MrCDub
![=[C]= MrCDub](https://2img.net/u/1414/40/61/38/avatars/359-53.jpg)
Number of posts : 2082 Age : 51 Location : Colorado USA Registration date : 2008-02-05
![Idiot Lawyerisms Empty](https://2img.net/i/empty.gif) | Subject: Re: Idiot Lawyerisms Sat Aug 22, 2009 11:37 pm | |
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=[C]=Goldmagic
![=[C]=Goldmagic](https://2img.net/u/1414/40/61/38/avatars/465-25.jpg)
Number of posts : 1195 Location : London Registration date : 2008-04-25
![Idiot Lawyerisms Empty](https://2img.net/i/empty.gif) | Subject: Re: Idiot Lawyerisms Sun Aug 23, 2009 7:50 pm | |
| shit sometimes i wonder who hires these dumb fucks! | |
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=[C]=BurntoutHippie Diplomatic Asshole!
![=[C]=BurntoutHippie](https://2img.net/u/1414/40/61/38/avatars/14-15.jpg)
Number of posts : 2245 Age : 53 Location : Mississippi Registration date : 2007-02-03
![Idiot Lawyerisms Empty](https://2img.net/i/empty.gif) | Subject: Re: Idiot Lawyerisms Sun Aug 23, 2009 8:39 pm | |
| OMFG...I have actually heard attornies ask stupid shit like this in court. I heard one attorney asking a doctor if he was sure the gentleman was deceased when he began the autopsy. the problem with the question was that the autopsy was being performed on a body that had been exhumed to find more evidence.
-Hippie | |
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subsmalls666
![subsmalls666](https://2img.net/u/1414/40/61/38/avatars/960-92.png)
Number of posts : 222 Age : 34 Location : Hot as Fuck, AZ Registration date : 2009-06-19
![Idiot Lawyerisms Empty](https://2img.net/i/empty.gif) | Subject: Re: Idiot Lawyerisms Mon Aug 24, 2009 3:31 am | |
| you think this shit is funny, go sit in a court room for a day, and watch the self accusations begin to roll lmao. I remember this one kid was in court cause his landlord accused him of spray painting a row of cars in the parking lot, and he was like no your wrong I did the other row of cars, my friend did that row! ![lol!](https://2img.net/i/fa/i/smiles/lol.gif) | |
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![Idiot Lawyerisms Empty](https://2img.net/i/empty.gif) | Subject: Re: Idiot Lawyerisms ![Idiot Lawyerisms Icon_minitime](https://2img.net/i/fa/onyx/icon_minitime.gif) | |
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