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SeeYourDoom



Number of posts : 29
Age : 49
Location : London, England.
Registration date : 2008-12-07

PostSubject: American courts…   Thu Jan 22, 2009 2:56 pm



These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are
things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now
published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while
these exchanges were actually taking place.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep,
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a
new attorney?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Guess.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to
rephrase that?
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?
____________________________________________

And the best for last: .............





ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.




lol!
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=[C]=PAPITOMONO



Number of posts : 4022
Age : 41
Location : Santiago, Chile.
Registration date : 2007-03-23

PostSubject: Re: American courts…   Thu Jan 22, 2009 3:00 pm

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Thats some funny shit lol!

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Hey, i might not play golf like Tiger Woods, but i can sure fuck like he does...

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=[C]=Xd_rifles
PR Team Member


Number of posts : 2231
Age : 61
Location : Indiana
Registration date : 2008-09-13

PostSubject: Re: American courts…   Thu Jan 22, 2009 3:34 pm

I've been friends with a local judge for 30 yrs and I've got to get him a copy of that book!!!!!!!!!!!
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=[C]=^Scarface^-



Number of posts : 42
Age : 25
Location : Calgary, Canada
Registration date : 2007-05-07

PostSubject: Re: American courts…   Thu Jan 22, 2009 5:40 pm

hahaha silly americans
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=[C]=300lb.Gorilla
=[C]= Ambassador


Number of posts : 3317
Age : 44
Registration date : 2007-06-14

PostSubject: Re: American courts…   Thu Jan 22, 2009 5:56 pm

Quote :
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

LMAO lol!

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=[C]=DocMacabebe
Professional Spam Whore


Number of posts : 5825
Age : 50
Location : Philippines Islands
Registration date : 2007-02-03

PostSubject: Re: American courts…   Thu Jan 22, 2009 6:11 pm

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead
people?
WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you like to
rephrase that?
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a
pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you
began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law.

______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy on him!


as a doctor in real life i would have said the exact same thing!
Laughing



ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.


Oral..

Oral..

Oral..


Razz

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=[C]=Greco!!
PR Team Member


Number of posts : 1181
Location : greco...:) london
Registration date : 2008-02-27

PostSubject: Re: American courts…   Thu Jan 22, 2009 7:31 pm

hahaha earl? Evil or Very Mad Very Happy

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=[C]=DocMacabebe
Professional Spam Whore


Number of posts : 5825
Age : 50
Location : Philippines Islands
Registration date : 2007-02-03

PostSubject: Re: American courts…   Thu Jan 22, 2009 8:47 pm

=[C]=Greco!! wrote:
hahaha earl? Evil or Very Mad Very Happy


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PrivateLick wrote:
For the loveable and biggest sweetheart on the forums. For Doc...xoxox












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PostSubject: Re: American courts…   Today at 1:42 am

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