*ahem* blonde joke

lmao

Why did the blonde have lipstick on her steering wheel ????




























































she was trying to blow the horn ...

A red head yells out "Look! A dead bird!!".. the blonde looks in the sky and says "Where??"

blone texts me saying: what does idk stand for?
i text back saying: i dont know
blond says: no one seems too know!

LMAO!! Goldy...

A blonde and her friend were driving. her friend asks blonde to look on the side of the car and see if the indicators are working.. the blonde looks and says "yes they are.. no they are not.. wait, yes they are.."

lol good one too jenty

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from the Gold Coast when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.
The man walked up to the car and asked, 'Are you going to the Gold Coast?'
'Sure,' answered the blonde, 'do you need a lift ?'
'Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck my problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the Gold Coast Zoo.
They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me ?
I'll give you $100 for your trouble..'
'I'd be happy to,' said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of the Gold Coast when suddenly he was horrified!!
There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.
'What the heck are you doing here ?' he demanded, 'I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the Zoo..'





'Yes, I know you did,' said the blonde,' but we had money left over --- so now we're going to SeaWorld.

lol

_
A blonde was rowing her boat in the middle of a field. Along the road another blonde pulled up and screamed over: "It is you blondes that give a bad name. If I could swim, I will beat your ass!"

_
There were three girls stuck on the island, a red-haired, a burnette, and a blonde. They found a genie lamp and each were granted a wish. The Red wish to go home, along with the burnette. Their wish were granted. The genie looked at the blonde as she looked around the loney island, and said "I wish my friends would come back."

_
Q: What are three blondes standing in line called?
A: A wind tunnel.

A blonde standing on a bank of the river, asks another blonde on other side of the river "Excuse me, but how do i get to the other side".. "You are on the other side!" came the reply.

why was the blonde fired from the M&M factory?
she kept rejecting all the W's

why do blondes like cars with sunroofs?
more leg room


A police officer pulls over a car
with a young blonde driver in it....

Cop : "Miss, this is a 65
MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?"

Blonde : "Officer, I saw a
lot of signs saying 22, not 65."

Cop : "Oh miss, that's not
the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!"

Blonde : "Oh! Stupid me!
Thanks for letting me know, Ill be more careful from now on."

At this point the cop looks into
the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking and white
as ghosts.

Cop : "Excuse me miss,
what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something
awful."

Blonde : "Oh... We just got
off of highway 119".

A blonde walks into a bank in New
York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to
Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The
bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the
loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The
car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title
and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as
collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all
enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as
collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then
proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and
parks it there.

Two weeks later, the blonde
returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had
your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but
we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and
found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would
you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond
replies......................"Where else in New York City can I
park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there
when I return?" Finally, a smart blonde.

How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?


































Opens the car door.

Blonde has to call 911, because she managed to catch her house on fire.

911 operater: "911 Emergency, state your emergency, please"

Blonde: My new house is on fire, please come quickly. It's in the new addition on the east side. *click* hangs up phone.

911 operater: Ma'am? hello??? *hits auto-redial*

Blonde: hello??

911 operater: Ma'am, this is the 911 operator, calling. Did you just phone in a request for the fire department?

Blonde: YES!!!! PLEASE HURRY!!!!!! *click* hangs up again.

911 operator calls back: This is the 911 operator, calling again. Before I can send anyone to put out the fire, we need to know how to get there.

Blonde: Duh.............big red truck??? *click*

So they ask the blonde, "Do you speak with your husband when you have sex?" She thinks for a moment, shrugs, and says "sure, if there's a phone nearby."

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A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house. A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, she came out again, marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, “Is something wrong?”

To which she replied, “There certainly is!”

My stupid computer keeps saying, “You’ve got mail!”

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Diary of a blonde:
January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh".....bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used their arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M & M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!

What a year!!

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There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

A guy decides to bring his new blonde girlfriend to a football game. After the game is over, he asks her if she liked the game.

She replies: "Oh it was great, I loved watching those men in tight clothes, but there is one thing I don't understand."

"What did you not understand ?"

And the blonde says: "Well, at the begginning of the game, both teams flipped a quarter to see who would kick off first. Then the rest of the game everybody was yelling get the quarter back, get the quarter back, get the quarter back. So I thought to myself, gosh it's just a quarter!"

A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.

The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can't find it. She says to the cop, "I must have left it at home officer."

The cop says, "Well, do you have any kind of identification?" The motorist scuffles around in her purse again, and finds a pocket mirror.

She looks at it and says to the cop, "All I have is this picture of myself." The cop says, "Let me see it, then." So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, who looks at it, and replies, "Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have even pulled you over. You can go now."

A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.

"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed,sweating and panting. "What's up?" he says. "I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.

He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says,"Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"

The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door.

Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closetfloor.

You rotten bastard, "says the husband,"my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids!!!

lol sixpack that has got to be one of the most original fucked up jokes!!!! he has no clue as to his wife just cheated on him!!!!!!!!!!!